Local News

Goblin Death Cult Practices Dark Arts on Shores of White Rock Lake

Street racing isn't the real problem in Dallas. THIS is.

Dear readers, the disturbing image you see here was captured two days ago at White Rock Lake. I was on a ride when I spotted this structure at the water’s edge and immediately stopped to record the scene. Here is a closeup shot, so that you can study in greater detail the evidence of what is transpiring in one of Dallas’ most beloved parks. You see the rope, yes? The telltale construction techniques used in the log structure — and we’re not talking algebraic geometry! This is clearly the work of goblins. Or orcs. Or maybe hobbits. Whichever beast built this, the danger this presents to our community needs to be addressed immediately by Chief Eddie Garcia. Forget street racing. Dallas’ real problem is the goblin death cult at the lake.

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